It's been a while. And I met someone.

These past few months I've had multiple ideas of topics I wanted to write about, and for whatever reason I never ended up writing anything. I can't remember them now. Maybe some of them will come back and I'll post, maybe they won't... Whatever...

It's 11:36 pm, tomorrow is Friday... One more week has gone by, were getting closer and closer to the end of this year. And I, the one who had lost hope entirely, met a man before the end of 2025.

So I want to write about this new experience, about this new twist to the experiment of my life.

I have a very weird feeling. There's calmness, no chaos, no anxiety... And I don't know what it is. Is it a sing that he's a good guy who won't mess with my nervous system? Or am I now emotionally mature enough not to cling onto anyone, therefore my emotional balance doesn't get offset with a man anymore?

I've been trying to be observant, as you should with any experiment. Even if there was no chaos, I found myself multiple times being completely delusional in my head about this man. Playing fake scenarios, thinking about how things were going to go once we were finally a couple... And then, my awareness kicked in! "What am I doing?" I don't even know the guy yet... I don't know if we're a good fit. Yes, there's attraction for sure, I think he likes me. But we've learned the hard way that's not all that matters.

My brain was trying so hard to fall into old patterns, fantasizing, idealizing, getting ahead of reality... As if I had already chose him as my partner... Playing the reactions people in our life would have to receiving the news, the places we would travel together to... Damn, what?!

It was very brief. A couple of day max. Then I realized, it didn't make any sense. He's still a stranger, and in my head I already made him my boyfriend just because we hung out once and he was nice to me? Because he showed me some attention? Neh... 

My intuition has been very calm around him, that's true. I've felt free to be myself, no performance, and we had a very good time. On the other hand, I saw how ridiculous it was to put such heavy expectations on someone I've just seen once! So I stopped.

This is yet an unraveling season of the experiment, so what I want to remind myself by writing this is that, no matter how good it feels at the beginning, and how much my mind wants to fantasize, this time I really want to take things slow, I really want to get to know him and decide based in facts, either if I want something more with him or just a friendship.

I want to give him a chance to show me who he is. I don't want to relate to an idea in my head, but actually know what's going on inside his head and heart. And those things take time. Also for me to show him those parts of me and trust him with that. It's will take time.

We won't get to know each other so quickly. Trust and intimacy is build over time, sharing and experiencing things together. So I'll be patient this time. I'll stay grounded.

And for the first time in my life, getting to know someone I like feels calm, and easy, and stable and slow and safe. I hope it feels like that tot him as well.

We'll see.

For now, cheers 🥂