I don’t even know what I’ve been so scared of, to be honest. But I realized I would so much rather try something new and fail and make a mistake than just be paralyzed by my own fear.
I was asked, not so long ago, where I saw myself in five years. To be fair, I was unable to find an answer.
I used to have an ideal prospect of life for myself maybe 5 years ago, but life has turned out to be quite different no matter what.
We tend to get too attached to these very fixed ideas of who we are or who we should be in the future, how our life should look like. But that's precisely what this last season of my life has been about. All those ideas, I've been letting them die.
It's been a very slow season of transition from fall to winter. It's been cozy, it's been about staying inside, it's been about cultivating human warmth and patience. It's been about getting comfortable with uncertainty.
For me, spring is definitely not around the corner. However, I'm not in haste for it to come anytime soon. As my desire is to take my time to let the ground rest moist and prepare for a new season.
What may grow? What may bloom? I do not know nor want to know. My experiment is about finding my sync back with nature as much as a human possibly could.
Every weed must die and decompose before I can plant new seeds in this parcel of mine. So I'm letting the season do its wise thing.
When timely, we shall see new sprouts.
