Sometimes I wish life was simpler 🌾

Why struggle you know? The idea of a "soft life" is very tempting indeed, but how does one achieve it?

Being multi talented is both a blessing and a curse. Why the hell do we want to do it all? I don't think I have any kind of syndrome like ADHD that makes me jump from one activity to another without ever finishing one. I actually don't get distracted easily. On the contrary, I can focus for very long periods of time on one task that's has me completely absorbed in it. But after I've learned a decent amount about something or I've become decently good with a new skill... I suddenly loose interest.

And then I just want to learn something else, and then again something else and so on... Hence, all the big but unfinished projects I've started in my life since I was... what? 14 maybe? Why do I do this? This must certainly have a name... And I might not be the only one in the world experiencing this, am I?

Yes, I've heard about self sabotage and procrastination as a self soothing mechanism to not face struggle and difficult situations. And I've thought about that. I am good at all this stuff and I have abundant brilliant ideas, but then... why am I not doing anything with them? Why am I still stuck half way in them?

Why is it that I want to do it all, but it feels so heavy to commit to just one thing? The thought of loosing all the possibilities from all the other ideas freaks me out. What if I fail? What if I chose the wrong path? What if my better life was somewhere else by going down a different route? What if I find out too late? What if? What if? What if?

And I end up doing nothing. I find myself frozen again and again. Not knowing what to do or how to choose. Can I say that I leave myself stunned with my own lack of discernment? Because my mind just goes blank and all of a sudden everything goes from being the object of my desire to none of it being appealing anymore.

It's the weirdest thing to get burned out without any need of external action. Burned out just by the chaos in my mind to the point it's physically exhausting, to the detriment of my own life time, which was the very thing I didn't want to waste in the first place.

How does one get out of this endless loop?

So I wish life was simpler. I wish I had just one talent. I envy those who are good at just one thing and make the best out of it. I wish I didn't have to worry about what path to take.

I know, this might be controversial (or maybe not, I've never talked about this with anyone), and people might say I'm ungrateful and that they wished they had so many talents instead.

Well, I guess life is unfair like that. Or it's just like Dios le da pan al que no tiene dientes. And those who have the bread must find a way to develop teeth then.

Whatever. I guess the process of sharpening my teeth is messy and painful in itself. And it's what I ought to do in this life. Maybe that's what I came here for...

Just to end this on a positive note! I haven't lost faith in myself. It's just hard sometimes you know? I hope you're reading this from the future and you've figured it out already.

Anyways...

Cheers! 🥂